Trauma to Turquoise

When I think of the color Turquoise, I think, believe it or not, trauma. What?! Yes, you guessed it, trauma. I am always drawn to that gemstone when I look back on my life of reflection. Turquoise, with its biblical symbolism, represents healing, protection, and divine connection.

When I was a baby, my trauma began. Failure to thrive due to a broken thyroid. Hyperthyroidism. I could not produce enough thyroid hormone to allow me to grow appropriately and function the way the average infant should function. Then, after intense medicinal therapies and a lot of prayer, at the age of 3, I was functioning full speed ahead. It didn't stop there.

I was always accident-prone, clumsy, hard to pay attention, couldn't sit still, etc. What medical professionals would say she is just hyper for her age, today I would have been diagnosed as ADHD, and would most likely be placed on drugs that would potentially compromise my immune system and stop the production of thyroid-stimulating hormone. Oh, and so many other adverse reactions.

However, when I was 11 years old, I began a journey that would take me into decades of physical, emotional, psychological, spiritual, verbal, and mental trauma. Before I go on, I want to touch on one of those words in the previous sentence. SPIRITUAL. My spiritual path started then as well. Prayer changes things.  Prayer, when shared in a collective setting of 2 or more, God shows up. In so many ways. You may not see Him there at that moment, but I can tell you He is there. He is there before, besides, behind, and in the works of a miracle. That is what happened. I firmly believe. 

Being 11 and figuring out the things every young girl goes through, the hormones in my body got really confused, and my brain couldn't figure out if I was coming or going. Essentially, I had my first seizure. Then, a year later to the date came seizure number two. By the time I was the myoclonic jerks were so severe they were uncontrollable, and all the medication that I was on would not help. But God moved again, and I found a wonderful neurologist who was able to pinpoint what I had and was able to put me on the right combination, and they began to be under control. What a journey, heh? 

Throughout that first half of my teenage years, the only thing that kept me from going crazy was my therapy horse. He was amazing and got me through a time when I thought life didn't care about me. Being socially awkward, not a lot of friends, poor grades, learning disability, ADD, Epilepsy, early onset depression, all of those things are severe chemical imbalances.

When I turned 18, I thought I was living in a world plagued by death. My grandfather passed away a couple of years before, and I was devastated by that. I only had a few select friends who supported me. My parents were the only real support system I had, along with the medical team that took care of me. Sometimes your best friends are doctors, nurses, and receptionists. Because hospitals are all you know. As an epileptic, it's normal. So, to end the madness, I decided it would probably be better if I weren't such a burden. Suicide looked like that option. But you are reading this, so God intervened. Like I said before, He is behind and before. He knew what I was going through, and he knew that my life meant more to Him than I could imagine. Jesus is too good to be ignored.

So, my goodness. I tell you all of that to tell you this. Back to Turquoise. When I look back, all I see is God's healing, protection, and divine connection. I also see His divine intervention. Which is correlated with his protection. Well, even though Turquoise is not my favorite color, it is my favorite gemstone. It also reminds me that no matter what. Jesus is always with me, regardless of my personal trauma, and he has always been my healer. When you seek Him first in everything. The world becomes lighter, brighter, and more connected to His love.